Studing the statistics of divorces and their causes, we noted that one of the main ones is the betrayal of the wife or husband. These can be one-time cases, as well as full-fledged novels, sometimes men start families with children on the side. The result can be completely different: if the wife cheated on her husband or vice versa - the husband cheats on his wife, they can try to forgive the betrayal, save the family, ending the relationship on the side, leave everything as it is or part, dividing the property and responsibilities for raising children, if the couple has them. This decision is influenced by a large number of factors: love, dependence (moral or financial), common life, joint business. If people are married for a long time, there is often a fear that in the future they will not be able to create a new family, so they go to reconciliation. Also, the reason may be a sense of comfort in relationships and everyday life, unwillingness to change something.
Independent which option the family chooses, adultery is always painful, most people who have been cheated perceive it as a betrayal. Statistics and the history of infidelity in different social circles are different, but in each case it is noted that the wife is much less likely to cheat on her husband than vice versa. At the same time, female infidelity is perceived by society extremely negatively, while information about that the husband has cheated, can rarely surprise anyone.
It is it worth forgiving treason and is it possible in principle to forgive it? What pushes people to such an act? In order to help our readers protect the relationship, we decided to understand this issue in more detail.
What is cheating?
Despite the fact that for many people this question may seem rhetorical, the attitude of men and women to infidelity is different.
Most men consider infidelity direct sexual contact that occurred once or continued repeatedly. Compliments, flirting, courtship of another woman to whom they are attracted, and even kissing are not considered treason.
As for women, most believe that a kiss is already a betrayal, and physical. There is also such a thing as moral betrayal, it occurs when one of the partners has feelings for the other person and he begins to show them in every possible way, receiving reciprocity in return. It can be compliments, the same flirtation, gifts and other methods of courtship. At the same time, sex or kisses may not reach.
Why is the difference in perception so great? And is a kiss considered treason?
A huge amount of research has been conducted on this topic in different countries. According to one version, men and women disagree due to the fact that they initially perceive relationships differently.
Men, for the most part, are materialists, so treason is perceived as a real action - sex. A kiss is part of a foreplay or an expression of feelings, and not a completed action, so it is not considered treason.
Sams pay more attention to feelings, for them sex is not only a mechanical action to satisfy a natural need, but also emotional intimacy with a partner. Therefore, infidelity for a woman begins at that moment, toTheir partner enters into an emotional connection with another woman. Compliments, kisses and sex itself from this point of view is treason.
Womb emotionality allows you to better feel the partner and notice the slightest changes in his condition or behavior. Often women say that they dreamed of infidelity of a guy or husband, and then they learned about it in real life. Often women attach mystical meaning to this, although this can be explained much easier. If you dream of infidelity of your husband or you see in a dream, that your boyfriend is cheating on you, most likely, you often think about it or recently began to arise suspicions of infidelity partner. It is important to understand that the infidelity of your husband or boyfriend, which you saw in a dream, absolutely does not mean that your suspicions are justified
Psychology of treason
Why do people cheat? This question so far no one can answer unequivocally. It all depends on the differences between women and men. In order for our readers to better understand themselves and their partner, we have collected the most common causes of infidelity that women and men noted.
Women decide to cheat because of:
- I want revenge
Change to the husband in such cases is a punishment for his infidelity, resentment, humiliation, aggression towards his wife. At the same time, a woman may not get pleasure and feel even worse, because, in addition to resentment against a partner, there is also a sense of guilt. Psychology knows more sad consequences - often, due to guilt, the woman's behavior changes to a softer and more compliant, and she is tolerant of such things as aggression, psychological and physical abuse by her husband after infidelity.
- Sexual hunger
Whoe, a woman does not have as such a thought "I want to change her husband", she is looking for an opportunity to meet her natural needs. The reason can be both initially different needs for sex, and the prolonged absence of her husband due to frequent working trips, illness, his cold attitude.
- Representation of the husband as a sexual partner
After many years in marriage, a woman can warmly treat her partner, perceiving him as a soul mate and friend, but stop perceiving him as a lover. It is also not uncommon for a woman to move away and fall out of love with her husband over the years, a love affair on the side gives her new emotions. In families where the husband shows aggression in every possible way, the wife can change in order to to feel safe, to get affection and warmth. This is quite dangerous, because, having learned about treason, the despotic husband begins to show even more aggression
- I want to get rid of complexes
Insecution in herself, her beauty, attractiveness, sexuality pushes a woman to search for a man with whom she will feel desirable and beautiful. These can be complexes from childhood, as well as those that she received already in marriage. The cold attitude of her husband, his remarks about the imperfect figure and appearance, flirting with other women have a devastating effect on women's self-esteem. In order to, to regain your uvShe begins to look for a lover.
- Which psychological disorders or addictions
The speech is about cases when a woman is constantly looking for thrills and can not remain faithful to one man. During infidelity, her emotions are directed not at the lover, but at a sense of danger that she can be clumped, physically harmed, satisfied with constant sexual desire. One of these disorders is nymphomania. Often a woman can have frequent sexual relations with different partners, under the influence of alcohol or drugs.
- I'm going to divorce my husband
Whoe, she does not use the direct wording "I want to divorce my husband", but tries to make sure that it is the spouse who filed for divorce. This behavior can also be manifested when a woman avoids a direct conversation, and if the husband does not agree to an offer to divorce.
As for men, they cheat because of:
- Drecess in sex
Heavy testosterone levels form the need for frequent and high-quality sex. A man may not experience any emotions towards his partner, he is interested in the process itself. At the same time, he can love his wife and not be going to divorce her.
- S wife's discontent
To make a man, it is important not only to have fun himself, but also to see that he satisfies his wife. This is one of the components necessary for his self-affirmation. Refusals of the spouse or her dissatisfaction, and sometimes outright criticism often become the reason for looking for a more "grateful" partner on the side.
- Recession of interest in his wife
This can happen due to the fact that the wife has ceased to look after herself, recovered or ceased to show interest in a man. During a long-term relationship, the interest of both partners may gradually fade and, if there is no incentive or interest on the part of the spouse, the man begins to look for a more attractive partner both physically and emotionally.
- The wife is changed
To most men, this is not only a betrayal on the part of a loved one, but also a wounded self-love. A man perceives the fact that he preferred another one very painfully, so he goes to treason not so much in order to take revenge on his wife, so much with a desire to increase his self-esteem
- Comfort in a relationship
Thе question partly concerns everyday life and the issues that are associated with it. Any man wants to return to a cozy and warm house, where he is expected and wanted. Frequent conflicts or hidden discontent and discomfort at home become the reason for the search for a relationship on the side. It is in such cases that men often leave the family for a mistress.
How to understand that you are being cheated?
Despite the fact that men and women are arranged in completely different ways, there are several manifestations that are characteristic of a person cheating on his spouse. They are not an absolute guarantee of infidelity, but if you notice these signs in a husband or wife, one hundredit's up to you to think:
- Deviated mood - your partner becomes more inspired, he/she has more energy, the person smiles more often and radiates positive. At the same time, there are no other reasons like a raise at work, a purchase, an upcoming vacation.
- Indeminated attention to his appearance - a person begins to dramatically change style, take more care of himself, enrolls in a hall where he has not gone for years
- oot attention to you increases - gifts, help around the house, a more affectionate attitude and attention can cause remorse when a person tries to compensate for his guilt
- in every possible way.
- Aggression and irritation - arise for two reasons. Spouse feel remorse and blame you for "bringing" them to this or believe that you prevent them from building a relationship with a new partner.
- Clot - a person goes to talk on the phone in another room, often corresponds with someone, saying that it is "for work".
- Inso to disappear - delays at work, sudden business trips, trips to meetings, etc
Analysis of your partner's behavior, it is important to understand that suspiciously the factors that we wrote about above may look like if there has been a sharp change. This is especially noticeable if previously such behavior was unusual for a person.
The attitude of society to treason
Despite the fact that women cheat on their husbands less often than men do to their wives, they treat the former with special condemnation. Such a distortion occurred due to stereotypes of female and male roles in relationships, as well as their characteristics of perception
Men's infidelity is often justified by the fact that sex is only the satisfaction of a physiological need, it is not always associated with feelings. Also a popular excuse is the statement that men are polygamous and constant sex with one partner is almost contrary to their nature
As for women, their sensuality makes every betrayal not only physical, but also moral, and its choice - a conscious betrayal. Monogamy, stereotypes about the role of the keeper of the hearth only increase the degree of condemnation.
There is a place and double standards: a man's view of his infidelity can be quite loyal, and the act is justified while such an action on the part of a woman is unacceptable. History knows cases when, after infidelity of his wife with her own mother, sister, girlfriend, the husband blamed his wife for this, relieving himself of responsibility.
As for women, they are less tolerant of cheating as such. Most consider them wrong and impermissible for both women and men.
What to do if you are faced with infidelity?
Regardless of whether you have changed or you, there are only two ways out: tell your partner and find a solution together or remain silent.
Despite the fact that the second option is more popular, it has a lot of negative aspects. This is, first of all, your tension caused by pangs of conscience or the need to lie to a partner, which negatively affects both the relationship and health.There is always a possibility that the truth will become known to the spouse without your participation and will only aggravate the situation.
You are interested to know what are the signs of a crisis in family relationships.
A psychologist or psychotherapist will help you cope with the solution of the problem. You can contact both individual and family counseling.
How will a psychologist help?
The first thing this specialist will do is to help you assess the situation sensibly and understand your feelings. If you have changed and you do not know what to do, this approach will help you find the answer. If you want to present it correctly to your partner, you can prepare for a difficult conversation.
Fur couples who decided to save the relationship after infidelity, but faced the problem of distrust, which is quite logical for such a case, family psychotherapy will be effective. It will help spouses understand each other and find a way out together
How will a psychotherapist help?
A doctor is needed if the cause of infidelity was a different nature of deviations. Aggression, distrust, disorders, nymphomania and addiction - a professional psychotherapist will be able to correctly determine the root cause and choose treatment.
How to find a specialist in Ukraine?
If you need a consultation with a psychologist or psychotherapist, you can find it with the help of our service. Specialists work online, so you can not be limited to your locality.
The cost of consultations varies from 1000 to 2500 rublesper session, the number is assigned individually